Olivia Joelle

Olivia Joelle turns 12 years old today. I still remember the day I gave birth to her. The memory is so clear; awful, but clear. Her birth was long and hard, and if our arrival into the world gives any clues to our future personality, hers certainly did. To this day, Olivia is stubborn and often does things the difficult way. She is absolutely her own person and will do things her way, in her own time. While part of me rolls my eyes and shakes my head, a larger, secretive part of me smiles and admires her; no one will ever tell who to be or what to do, and that makes me outrageously proud. When I ask her to do something that she deems unfair and  she sets her jaw and her eyes start flashing- oh boy- I know I'm in for a battle. But I also know that anyone who ever tries to peer pressure her will get this same response, and that's a comfort. Any poor decisions will be hers and hers alone! On the other side of her stubborn coin, she has a respect that baffles me; in the midst of completely disagreeing with me and arguing like a top notch attorney, she will absolutely abide by the punishments and boundaries I have set. She was grounded soon after school started for not turning in her math homework, so I took away all electronic privileges: no email, no IMing with friends, no online games, etc. She knew she was in the wrong, and accepted her punishment (after many attempts to explain and justify her absent homework- that's the little lawyer in her that she has always been), and never disagreed with the new rules. As of right now, she has nearly 350 emails from friends awaiting responses, but she knows that she needs to pull her math grade up before she can check them. Them's the breaks. Instead of pouting every day or whining or complaining, she comes home with a smile on her face. She still loves me, and accepts me through my faults. She can't wait to embrace her brother and ask him about his day, and this leads me to another facet of Olivia that blows me away daily: she is an excellent mother. She is a better mom than people we see out in public. She is a better mom than I am. She is astonishing. From the moment Shael was born, Olivia became more of a mommy than a sister.

With Shawn gone, and baby Shael unable to latch on, Olivia took over his care when I had to pump around the clock. And she wanted to. She was only 10, but I told her that breast milk was important for her brother, and that was all she needed to know. If it was important, she was going to make sure it happened. I was relieved and grateful for her help, but wrongly assumed that she would grow tired of this new baby and his demands. The last two years have only grown her love and nurturing instincts.  As I said, every day she looks forward to seeing Shael. If he's napping when she gets home, she's crushed. They play, they laugh, she scolds him when he's naughty... if I told her today that I needed to leave for a week and that she would have to take care of Shael for every single hour of it, she would be ecstatic. She smiles every time Shael says her name ("A-lee-ya"), and applauds his every drawing, complies with his every wish and command, and kisses every owie. Shawn and I just need to be around to make sure that Shael isn't too spoiled! Recently, Olivia and I were looking over Shael's newborn pictures, and marveling at how ugly he was- we had thought he was absolutely gorgeous! I told Olivia that this is common- a mother always thinks her baby is just the most beautiful thing ever, but as time passes, we can look back on the old pictures and see just how mashed up and distorted our baby's face was. While it doesn't surprise me that I fell for this yet again, it does surprise me that she did at only 10 years old. She couldn't believe that these pictures were of her Shael; she remembered him being so handsome, not yellow and puffy and wrinkly. 

This Halloween, Shawn was working, and Genevieve went trick-or-treating with her dad. Olivia was excited to be able to take Shael out. I drove the van, but she wanted to help Shael go door to door. It was beautiful to watch her hold his hand, help him over every curb, keep him out of the way of traffic, and prompt him to say "thank you" at each house.

As you can see, Olivia was joined by friends for a little while. She didn't ask to run off with them, and they knew she wouldn't want to; they joined her and her brother. They all roamed the neighborhood together while I trailed in the van, un-needed, and proud of that. Shael had so much fun that night, and Olivia got to feed him his first taste of candy bar. 

This fall, Olivia started middle school. It's a new school in a new town, and although many of her friends shifted to the same place, it was still an adjustment. Olivia started experimenting with running when I did, and she has grown to love it, so asked about joining the Cross Country team. I was thrilled that she wanted to participate in a team sport. We got her registered, but the season was already half over. Olivia didn't care, and jumped right in. At her first meet, I didn't recognize a single person. I asked her which of her friends were on the team- none of them were. She hadn't known a single person on the team when she joined, but now loved all of her teammates. I consider myself very friendly and social, but there is no way I would have joined a strange sport in a strange school full of strange people at age 11. She didn't hesitate. 

What an amazing girl. I learn from her constantly. She's my parenting guinea pig, but doesn't mind. She understands and is patient with me. She is compassionate- for her birthday, she has asked for clothes and toys for the local women's shelter. For Christmas, she wants dog and cat food for the animal shelter. She made me a swear jar for the window sill to help me clean up my mouth. She loves to bake, and has the most hilarious sense of humor in the world, and can make me laugh until I bawl. She and Genevieve drive each other nuts, but as soon as Genevieve is scared, Olivia is the first to put her arm around Gen's shoulders. She loves climbing trees, drawing, reading, writing, and crafting. I couldn't live without her, and I just can't believe that she's in my life every day. Thank you God, for my first baby; I will never take her for granted.