That's Gay
Olivia knows what "gay" means. I asked her how she knows, and she replied, "Oh, you know, there's so much gossip in third grade." I didn't know, but I guess I do now. I asked her what gay meant, and she said that it was when two boys wanted to date, or... she rubbed the tips of her pointer fingers together and made a kissy sound. Although it took all I had to keep a straight face, I nodded as though she were wise. And truly, it helped that I was trying hard to remember when it was the last time I had seen that gesticulation for "make out". It made me feel old that I couldn't recall, but also surprisingly relevant that it was still being used by the kids these days. Olivia also told me that her friend has told her that the word "gay" is worse that saying the F word and "bull-crap" all at once. Pretty serious stuff. I clarified that the word itself is not bad at all, but that if you use it in the wrong way, it can be very hurtful (saying "that's gay" when you really mean "that's stupid"). I never thought I would use Saturday Night Live as a teaching tool, but it was appropriate for this moment. Satan was being interviewed on Weekend Update (SNL's faux news segment), and there were jokes about Westboro Baptist and how the devil was even appalled by these actions. Of course this led to discussions of Christianity, and how we are expected to treat people. I loved the talk, and was very proud of Olivia. Homosexuality was easy to talk about.
However... homosexuality in rabbits? Different story. Let me start at the beginning. We decided to raise rabbits for our own meat. We got a male and female pair from a man in St. Cloud. Of course, by now, you know me well enough to know that somehow, we had sought out a total nut-case to sell us our animals. That's how we roll. He showed me the genitalia of each bunny to prove they were different. I shrugged and said, "Looks the same to me." I don't know how a rabbit's vagina is supposed to look for crying out loud. Over the months, we had gotten all kinds of advice about how to make our rabbits mate. The male- white as snow- never showed any interest in the female, other than to occasionally snuggle. The latest pearl of wisdom we received was to separate the fluffy couple, which would make the male go crazy with desire once the two were re-united. We did this, keeping the female inside where she was exposed to more light and heat, which would make her prone to believing it was now spring. A month later, when Shawn brought the male into the house to join the female, he and the girls were beyond excited. They were going to get the rabbits to mate, which meant that soon, there would be babies!!! Growing up around animals and their mating seasons has apparently left me calloused to the miracle of conception. I could really care less about watching the bunnies get it on. Allowing Olivia and Genevieve to watch documentaries about their favorite animals had long ago exposed them to the actual sight of animals mating, and I had witnessed horses at a young age, so I wasn't too concerned about that. I chose to read back in the bedroom instead. Only a few moments later, Shawn called for me to come out to where they were gathered around the cage. I replied that, no thanks, I would really rather read. Shawn hurried into our bedroom, eyes wide, and in a desperate voice, said that he really needed my help with questions from the girls. I rose to join him, but wondered what sorts of questions the girls might have that they didn't already know. While we walked down the hallway, Shawn told me that Olivia had pointed to the female, cocked her head, and said, "Are those... testicles?" Shawn inspected, more to humor Olivia than anything, and gaped at the pair of balls that were now so obvious. He said that um, yes, those were testicles. The "female" immediately mounted the male and began to hump him at lightening speed. The girls promptly turned to Shawn with confused looks. Hence, his desperate calls for me. When I arrived upon the scene, the two males were frantically taking turns with each other, and the girls watched with wide eyes and mouths agape. Of course, they wanted to know why on earth the rabbits would still try to mate if they were both boys? I did my best to say that it was simply animal instinct, and that we should probably just go somewhere else and leave the guys alone for a bit. The original male rabbit had exhausted himself by now, and lay in the cage as though he were dead. Our trusty "female" was not yet depleted, and would mount any part of the other rabbit that could be obtained. The shoulder was attacked, and the girls giggled. Silly rabbit. Then, before I could push the girls away, the she-male began to rape the white rabbit's face. Another round of very difficult questions. It certainly did not help that Shawn was laughing so hard at the whole situation that he was experiencing trouble breathing. I glared at him and ushered the girls out of the room, leaving dear hubby bent over and coughing.
Now to make things more complicated, I am pregnant. Yes, this is a very joyous occasion for us! After trying for two years, Shawn and I had thought that perhaps he wasn't able to have children, or that maybe I was no longer able. We became certified for foster care, and were beyond excited for our first foster child to welcome. A sudden pregnancy has halted those plans, but we know we'll pick them up again. Olivia and Genevieve have now had to come to terms with the fact that Shawn and I have "mated". I cringe when I picture the rabbits, and wonder if they have that image still burned into their minds. I also can't help but wonder... do they wonder if that's how we went about the process? Not something I want to ponder. I really shouldn't be surprised that although my daughters were begging for a baby brother or sister previously, when we told them that I was pregnant, they burst into tears. I see many sessions of therapy in their futures. Some time has passed, and the girls now know that they will be getting a baby brother in the beginning of August. This has helped. They also know that in May, Shawn gets deployed for a year, and that makes them feel like very important helpers for mommy. I hope that a baby brother will help make up for some of the trauma!
