Yes, my husband has survived five whole years of marriage with me. No, I have no idea how. Anniversaries are funny; they cause you to pause and reflect. With each year that passes, time takes a little twist. It feels like Shawn and I have always known each other. Certainly we have been married for longer than five years? It seems like we have the experiences and memories that would make up a marriage of 15 years or so. With a blended family, it's easy to forget that we haven't shared every day of OJ's 11 years, plus our other two children. It feels like...forever.
Now, sometimes when people say that they feel as though they have been married "forever", it's a very negative thing. That's not the kind of "forever" that I am implying; I am very lucky to have him in my life. Don't get me wrong, there are some days when my husband can drive me completely bonkers, and I kind of want to strangle him. However, this never lasts long, (which is good, because he's a lot stronger than I am and could totally win if we brawled, and that would destroy the idea in my head that I'm super strong). When I have these moments of frustration, all I have to do is empathize a bit, and perspective gives me a big 'ol smack in the face, because here's the thing that I always realize: If I was ever married to myself, I would murder me. I consider myself a nice person. I'm not violent. I'm law-abiding. I like rules and a society that functions with rules. But if the government ever kidnapped me and put me in a clone project and I had to live with me, I would absolutely go Dexter on myself.
Shawn and I have a very traditional marriage. Shawn goes to work and school, I stay at home and take care of the kids and the home. I even wear an apron when I bake (not because I'm proper; because I'm messy and I burn myself). From the outside, it likely looks a bit chauvinistic and oppressive, but I can promise that our home is quite egalitarian. By "egalitarian", I mean that Shawn works hard, is very respectful of me, and expresses appreciation for what I do almost daily, and works with me on every decision made in the house. How many spouses get that? And- here is what really amazes me- he tolerates my maddening habits and wild personality flaws. I have some obnoxious quirks. It took me a while to accept that I had quirks. When a friend called me "quirky" years ago, I thought, "only crazy/eccentric people are quirky." Oh. I see.
I like to do laundry. However, don't you dare drop a dirty sock in the laundry basket that is inside out. That is UNACCEPTABLE. As the kids get older, they find that they really can't leave any article of clothing inside out. I will happily wash the clothes. I will gladly dry the clothes. I will gaily fold the clothes. And I will put them in your closet with a smile. But turn them right-side-out? What am I, your maid?! In my world, there is some sort of indignity involved in righting clothing. So, although it is really part of my job, Shawn will have to right his clothing before getting dressed for work at 4:30AM because I simply refuse to do it for him. And it's my job. I take pride in being a stay-at-home mom and housewife, so I know it's completely petty and selfish that I do this, but I just can't un-do my mindset. And Shawn understands. Or at least he doesn't complain, God bless him. If our roles were reversed, I would probably purposely turn ALL clothing inside-out, just to prove a point. And then I would wear my reversed clothing to work to prove another point. Then I would get fired for being dressed like an idiot, but would be happy that I stood firm. (Stood firm in what? Who knows. I'm ridiculous.)
Another area that could use some drastic improvement would be my attention/affection/sweetness zone. Because... I don't have one. Every day, Shawn calls me on the way home from work, and every day, I grit my teeth and sigh, because I despise talking on the phone that much. Here he is, calling me to let me know that he's thinking about me and missed me, and there I am, wondering if he's going to get to the point and hang up. To cut myself a little slack, usually I have a toddler dipping his bagel in the cat's water or trying to flush his sister's barbie down the toilet, but to be honest, it probably wouldn't matter if I was childless. I simply hate the phone. After Shawn has let me know that he loves me and misses me, he'll say, "I'll let you go, I know you don't like the phone." And we hang up. Now, how sweet is that? Every day he does this, despite the fact that I'm curt and frustrated.
I can't sweep the house, I must vacuum.
I need a minimum of four pillows to sleep, one of which is over my head. I basically breath through a blowhole. How romantic is that?
I'm moody.
I require plenty of free time for running events and taekwondo.
I'm bossy.
I have a lot of baggage.
I start cleaning one area of the house (enough to make it a disaster), and then get distracted and clean a totally different one.
I don't remember to take care of our vehicles well.
I can't fetch anything out of the garbage disposal because I'm afraid of drains.
Foods have to be stacked in the grocery cart just so. They also must be in the cupboards just so, and the refrigerator, and the freezer... you know what, just let me do it.
My crafts and art projects are random, spread out, off-limits, and half- completed.
I am the biggest klutz in the entire world. No, really. I drop and break EVERYTHING, and during pregnancy, it's 50x worse. I can't even count how many phones I've lost/broken. In the last two days, I have broken canning jars, dropped a carton of eggs, dropped and spilled a container of protein powder, started shaking protein and milk in a shaker with the lid on crooked (yep, shake everywhere), broken our childrens' toys, hurt myself countless times, and uttered way too many cuss words. Shawn just smiles patiently.
There are so many irritating habits that I have. This barely scratches the surface. How does Shawn endure this? I don't know. He even loves me and thinks that I'm the one that has a lot to put up with. I got a pretty good deal, and I am grateful to have found a man who can be so patient, caring, and understanding. Marriage is hard work, but so rewarding. I'm looking forward to many more anniversaries!
